Saturday, 28 April 2012

Reality.... A hard place to land

Most of the time I live in this world where I parent this beautiful, smart, funny, cheeky 2 year old... Don't get me wrong, I notice that her legs don't look like other kids her age, I can see she doesn't run or climb or keep up with other kids (although she gives it a red hot go!) but because it's just us, it's easy to think that those things will not matter....


On Thursday we were driving to our weekly swimming lesson.... I noticed a mum sitting on the side of the road in a camping chair nursing a toddler on her lap, she was wearing a fluro shirt.... Then I noticed witches hats dotted along the road, and saw some kids start to make their way, running, down the path.... I realised it was the local school's cross country... I saw happy kids, running in groups with friends, being cheered along by proud parents sitting at bus stops to crowding pathways... And I felt hot tears running down my cheeks....

I don't know what our life with look like in 7 years when Ayda is expected to participate in the school cross country... She will physically find it challenging to run, with sore legs and ankles holding her back, but its how she will mentally cope that worries me more... Will she cry and beg be to keep her home from school, telling me how the kids will laugh at her and tease her for not being able to run or keep up... Or will she be resilient enough to participate anyway, happy to walk along at the back, maybe chatting to a supportive friend that doesn't care about winning... I pray that its the latter... But I wonder how I will react if its not?  Will I make her go anyway, build her confidence and support her through one of many life's challenges of disappointment and hurt, or do I give in to my sobbing child, hold her on my knee and kiss her tears away and shh her with "of course you don't have to go baby, stay here where you are safe with mummy"... How my heart aches to think about those future hurts...  When the day comes that I can no longer protect my happy girl from the cruelties of the school yard...



To move forward, I need to be conscious of how I build her confidence and resilience... There is a fine line between making her believe she can do anything and giving her the tools to cope when she cant.... The hard reality is that I want to be the kind of mother that raises her to be the girl that knows her own limits and be happy enough within her self to live with them.... I guess I have a long road ahead.

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