Friday, 25 May 2012

Somethings gotta give

It is crazy town in our house at the moment... My husbands work is slow and I have been picking up extra days at school to supplement the income... In doing so I have also decided to mark national exam papers for the next 2 1/2 weeks at night and on weekends... This means on the days I also teach during the day and go straight to marking, I am away from the house for 15 hours... It means that I see my daughter for 1 hour a day, and this is breaking my heart...

I never forget how fortunate we have been that I have been able to avoid working full time since having Ayda... But I have now seen the story from the other side and my heart goes out to all those mums that are forced back into work before they are ready.... It's tough... I feel tired and grumpy and overwhelmed with all the jobs that need doing... I feel disconnected from Ayda... She is going to my husband for things that she used to only come to me for... Its been such a lovely experience for my husband... He is so enjoying getting to know his daughter on a new level and bond with her the way I have been able to ... And Ayda is just thrilled to have so much Daddy time... So for that I am glad that we have been able to swap roles for a time... But I am counting down the days when things will settle and return to what was...

In saying all of that I realised yesterday that sometimes we cant do it all, that somethings have to give... So give they did!  I ignored the 4 baskets of washing, the sink load of dishes and the gritty floors and instead laid on the bed reading stories with Ayda.... We played doctors and had a tea party and finished off the morning with a trip to the park... I reconnected and made sure she knew that Mummy was still here, still present and still completely in love with her... I let her have her day sleep on our bed so I could curl up next to her and stroke her hair as she drifted off... I would leave for marking before she woke up so I wanted to breathe in every second of her...

The jobs will always be there, but time with my toddler is numbered and I don't want to wake up one day to a 16 year old and regret that I didn't soak up those early years... Today is about baking biscuits, building block towers and painting!  More fun than laundry thats for sure!


  1. Thank you for stopping by my blog! Glad to hear you took some time with Ayda - I agree the household chores will ALWAYS be there!

  2. Time with those babies that you fight so hard to have is ...... absolutely ....... the........ best :) Enjoy!!!

    Happy ICLW from #3