Saturday, 19 May 2012

When it all goes wrong

When my younger brother was 6 years old, and just started school he was bullied... It effected him so much he developed a nervous stutter and slowly lost confidence and his outgoing nature... Because he felt so powerless at school he in turn began to bully our youngest brother... Who really knows why, we can only speculate that it helped him to feel powerful and in control of someone because he couldn't feel this way about himself... It took 3 years for the bullying to stop and for my brother to slowly regain his sense of self, to loose the stutter... But the damage was done, and had already set off a chain of events that would come back to haunt the family 12 years later...

9 months ago my youngest brother confessed to my mum that he was suffering from depression... We had noticed his loss of appetite, lack of sleep and withdrawal from the family but isn't that common for most 16 year old boys?  He started seeing a therapist, he started taking Prozac and slowly the story has unfolded... The bullying he endured from his big brother all those years ago has had a much deeper effect on him than we could have known... He has started to talk about is lack of trust in our parents, how he feels betrayed by them that they were so busy trying to put the bullied brother back together they ignored their baby's cry for help... Of course that is not entirely true but that is how he remembers it, that is his reality and so his memories must be validated...

On Thursday morning I received a phone call from my mum to tell me that the night before my littlest brother had had a major meltdown... After a horrible fight, unforgivable words exchanged and finally a violent episode, he took off out of the house... The brother who had once been his tormentor followed him and tried to talk him round... We wont know what was said between those brothers but one came home in tears, distraught that his little brothers depression rests on his shoulders and one came home and swallowed a sleeping tablet to block out the horrible night....

I cried when I got off the phone... I watched my beautiful, bubbly, happy 2 year old pull stickers out of her sticker book and stick them to our family cat and wondered when it all goes wrong... I find it so hard to fathom how our innocent happy babies can turn into angry, hurt withdrawn teenagers... My parents are wonderful parents and have not let him down on purpose... They didn't know any better, they were trying to do the best they knew how... But I guess sometimes our best is not good enough...

What an enormous job parenting is... Maybe one child really is enough?


  1. That's huge. Huge Hugs to you all, thinking of you. I was saying the same thing to husband the other day what if our kids turn out to be 'bad kids' he was adamant that they wouldn't because we are good people but you just never never know. It's one of my biggest fears what we do now lays the path for the future. It's scary. Thinking of you all and hope they boys will be ok xox

  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am sorry for the hard time your family is going through. Hopefully they can recover and be able to repair some relationships.

  3. I am so sorry your family is going through this. I hope your brother can find the help he needs. At least he was able to admit that he needs help, I've found that when I finally admitted that with my depression things started to get a bit better. I hope its the same for him.

    ICLW #26

  4. Here from ICLW. Sorry your family has so much going on right now. Hope your brother gets some help.